What I Did At School Today

All's well that ends well

June 09, 2008

I'll start by sharing that the show on Friday night went very well. There was very steady traffic through the gallery and we were both happy with how things looked on the wall. It's always nice to get your work up on a wall in a gallery, look at it, and hear what other people have to say about it. The only problem we had/have is extra cupcakes; apparently a lot of the attendees thought that the four tiered plates of cupcakes were an artwork! It was tough getting ready for it with a tiny newborn and a toddler at home, but it was worth it.

And now, I'm on maternity leave. I'm not planning on touching my studio for at least eight weeks. I need to focus on getting this family pulled together. It turns out that I just don't do the baby thing very well; I'm not good at newborn.

Looking back, I remember thinking "this too shall pass" a lot when the toddler was a tiny one. In my defense, he was colicky, had his days and nights mixed up, had awful acid reflux, and gave us fits nursing for the first few weeks. In some respects, it turned into a habit for me. I just kept telling myself that things would pass, from having to hold him through every nap to crying it out to get him to sleep in his crib, to cutting teeth, to tantrums at the drop of a hat. At some point (or maybe it was several...) I realized that I was wishing his life away. I don't think that this is what God intended for my life as a parent; I'm convinced that I should be enjoying it.

I'm finding that while much has changed, I'm still the same mama I was. I can't wait for the baby to sleep longer stretches at night. Or for him to be old enough that I no longer have to parent him all the way to sleep or big enough for the excersaucer or jumper. I don't want to wish his life away either, but I'm tired. And I'm at a loss as to what to do with him when he's cranky but the toddler needs me, or how to handle it when he wakes up screaming hungry while I'm trying to get the toddler in bed. I feel like I'm not able to be the mama I want to be to either of them.

And forget taking care of myself. I realized one day when everyone else was finally sleeping that it was after one in the afternoon and I hadn't eaten anything all day. I was still in my PJ's at two in the afternoon last Saturday! And knitting? What knitting? I knit? Yeah, it's pretty much non-existent these days. The baby doesn't even sling well in the evening, so I'm finding that going to my knitting group is not going to work well for a while either.

I know it's all just for a season; this is just a time in our lives, but it's a tough time that seems to be eating me. And yet, I still feel compelled that there is something here to learn and be joyful about. I've been reading a lot at night while I hold a mostly sleeping baby who isn't ready to be put down yet (Yep, we have another one of those babies.). One of the books I'm working my way through is John Eldredge's Walking with God. Last night I read a section where Eldredge addresses just what I've been thinking about and it got me thinking. I don't want to wish away the time my kids are little and I really need to enjoy it, not just for me, but for them as well. I snuggled a little closer to the swaddled bundle I was holding and thanked God for the time I get to spend with him in my arms, babyhood is fleeting. And then I remembered that I am getting to read a lot right now. Granted, it's a 1, 2, 4 in the morning. And he will sleep. He'll get it figured out. Before I know it he'll be going to be at 7 and sleeping until 7 the next morning. In the mean time, I've decided to to my best to have a good attitude about only getting 5 hours of sleep in little pieces over 24 hours. It's worth it.

You'll have to forgive me if posts are sporadic these days. Blogging is not at the top of the list like eating, sleeping, laundry and diapering are.

Oh honey, you sound like me. I hated those days. Maybe that's I am so unsure about doing it again. It's hard. But it does pass. Hang tight.

I know what you are going thru! I wish I had spent more time just enjoying my babies! You just want them to grow up so fast and then they do and you wonder how, why and when :-( God does then bless us with "grand" sons and you are given a second chance to just relax and enjoy! Love you!

Seasons of life....I hope you'll allow yourself the peace to enjoy this one! The knitting will still be there when the babies are not, that's for sure.